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"What's the matter?" one man asked another.
"My wife left me when I was in the bath last night," sobbed the second man.
"She must have been waiting for years for the chance," replied the first.

Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?
Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.

Did you hear about the witch who did a four year course in ugliness?
She finished it in two.

Will you remember me in one day's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in a week's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in a year's time?
Of course I will.
Will you remember me in ten years' time?
Of course I will.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
See, you've forgotten me already!

5759 - Year according to the Jewish calendar
- 4696 - Year according to the Chinese calendar
= 1063 - Number of years that Jews went without Chinese food.

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