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First zombie: Do you still hold your girlfriend's hand?
Second zombie: Yes, but I wish the rest of her would visit more often.

Fred: I wish I'd been alive a few hundred years ago.
History teacher: Why?
Fred: There'd have been a lot less history to learn.

Mom, can I have 10 cents for being good?
All right, but I wish you could be good-for-nothing!

Fred: Mom, can I have the wishbone?
Mother: Not until you've finished your greens.
Fred: But I want to wish I won't have to finish them!

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