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Waiter, waiter! There's a dead fly swimming in my soup.
Nonsense sir, dead flies can't swim.
A man in a swimming pool was on the very top diving board. He poised, lifted his arms, and was about to dive when the attendant came running up, shouting, "Don't dive ? there's no water in that pool!"
"That's all right," said the man. "I can't swim!"
Boy: Mom, why can't I swim in Loch Ness?
Mother: Because there are monsters in it.
Boy: But Daddy's swimming there.
Mother: That's different. He's insured.
Why do you keep doing the backstroke?
I've just had lunch and don't want to swim on a full stomach.
Did you hear about the slow swimmer?
He could only do the crawl.
Fred: Dad, there's a man at the door collecting for a new swimming pool.
Father: Give him a bucket of water.