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Waiter, waiter! There's a maggot in my salad.
Don't worry, he won't live long in that stuff.
Waiter, waiter! There's a spider in my salad.
Yes sir, the chef's using Webb lettuces today.
Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
Mummy, Mummy, I don't like Daddy!
Well, just eat the salad then dear.