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Home - L - Light Jokes

First vampire: Are you a light sleeper?
Second vampire: No, I sleep in the dark.

A man went to the dentist's and saw a man hanging by one arm from the center of the ceiling.
"What's he doing there?" he asked the dentist.
"Oh, pay no attention," said the dentist, "he thinks he's a lightbulb."
"Well, why don't you tell him he isn't?" asked the startled customer.
"What?" replied the dentist, "and work in the dark?"

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Brighton who?
Brightonder the light of the full moon.

Why did the man eat a lightbulb?
Because he was in need of light refreshment.

What makes a glow worm glow?
A light meal.

What did the traffic light say to the motorist?
Don't look now, I'm changing.

Fred noticed his neighbor, Harry, searching very hard for something in his front yard. "Have you lost something, Harry?" asked Fred.
"Yes," replied Harry. "I've mislaid my spectacles."
"Oh dear," said Fred. "Where did you last see them?"
"In my sitting room," said Harry.
"In your sitting room?" asked Fred.
"So why are you looking for them in your front yard?"
"Oh," replied Harry, "there's more light out here!"

He's so thick that after he'd watched a gardening program on TV he started watering the light bulbs.

Fred: What does "opaque" mean?
Harry: Something light can't pass through - like your head!

He's a light eater.
Yes, as soon as it's light he starts eating!

What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python?
A twenty foot long strip light that can squeeze you to death.

What sort of bulbs should you never water?
Light bulbs.

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