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Home - F - Flea Jokes

What's the name of the opera about a mouse and a flea?
Der Fleadermouse.

What did one amorous flea say to the other?
I love you aw-flea.

A fly and a flea in a flue
Were wondering what they should do.
Said the fly, "Let us flee!"
Said the flea, "Let us fly"
So they flew, through a flaw in the flue.

Did you hear about the angry flea?
He was hopping mad.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Flea.
Flea who?
Flea's a jolly good feller.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Flea.
Flea who?
Flea thirty!

Waiter, waiter! There's a flea in my soup.
Tell him to hop it.

How do you find out where a flea has bitten you?
Start from scratch.

What's the difference between fleas and dogs?
Dogs can have fleas but fleas can't have dogs.

What did the idiot do to the flea in his ear?
Shot it!

What did one flea say to another after a night out?
Shall we walk home or take a dog?

What is the most faithful insect on the planet?
Fleas. Once they find someone they like they stick to them.

If a flea and a fly pass each other what time is it?
Fly past flea.

What do you call a cheerful flea?
A hop-timist.

A flea jumped over the swinging doors of a saloon, drank three whiskeys and jumped out again. He picked himself up from the dirt, dusted himself down and said, "OK, who moved my dog?"

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