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Clinton's Quickies - A collection of short jokes and one liners
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Bill Clinton after first moving into the White House: Ain't 'ya got any of that good orange screw-top wine like we have in Arkansas? This stuff is almost black and somebody done stuck a piece of wood down in here. Besides it ain't even fresh...1968...what you guys trying to pull here?!?

A. Ponders how he'll look on Mount Rushmore.
B. Reads back issues of Veracity Anonymous.
C. Fantasizes about what marital relations must be like.
D. A good game of tonsil hockey with Monica.

Q: How many Clinton administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two -- one to screw in the bulb while the other tells us everything possible is being done to help the situation.

Things Clinton had to do to pass NAFTA:
- He now has to address Newt as 'Your Royal Highness'
- Loan Bob Packwood the Presidential Seal to help him pick up chicks
- Drive congressional grandkids to day care
- Loan Ted Kennedy his pants with the Velcro fly.
- Tuesday is Sombrero day at the Supreme Court
- Clinton has to divide his money between McDonalds and Taco Bell
- stop asking the girls at the McDonalds driveup window if they've ever tried a DNA Milkshake.

Q: When did Clinton's friends become sure that he had political ambitions?
A: When he married outside of his family.

Q: Why does the secret service guard Hillary so closely?
A: Because if something happens to her, Bill becomes President.

After we get done with the Whitewater case the President's going to be in so much hot water he'll feel like a tea bag

Bill Clinton on oral sex:
It's okay. Just tell 'em you didn't swallow

Q: Did you hear Chrysler is introducing a new car to commemorate President Clinton's reign?
A: It's gonna be called the Dodge Drafter.

Q: What does Bill Clinton have in common with former great Presidents?
A: Nothing.

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