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Home - B - Bird Jokes

What's the difference between a fly and a bird?
A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.

What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch?
A bird that's ugly but doesn't give a hoot.

Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween?
It was for "tick or tweet."

Waiter, waiter, there's a bird in my soup.
That's all right, sir. It's bird nest soup.

Teacher: Why do birds fly south in winter?
Fred: Because it's too far to walk.

Fred: The trouble with our teachers is that they all do bird impressions.
Harry: Really? What do they do?
Fred: They watch us like hawks.

The Australian Wedgetailed Eagle mates for life. Now this particular Eagle's mate had died several years before, and he was soaring over the town of Mudgee, where I live, when in the bushes by the bowling club he saw with his fantastic vision a little Blue Tit.

All of a sudden a red mist came over him, and unable to control himself ,he swooped down and ravished her,before sailing up into the blue. The Blue Tit hopped back into the bushes and said "I'm only a little Blue Tit, but I've had a little bit, and I like it,I like it".

Now the Eagle, still not satisfied soared on until he saw on a fence a little Dove. The same thing happened, and he soared up into the blue. The Dove preened her feathers and said "I'm only a little dove, but I've had a bit of love. And I like it, I like it".

Still not satisfied the Eagle cruised on until on a pool on the river he saw a duck. Again he plunged down and ravished it, and the duck swam back into the middle of the pool and said " I'm a Drake and he made a big mistake, but I LIKE IT, I LIKE IT "

Did you hear about the baby chick who found an orange in his nest and said: Look what marmalade!

What did the baby birds day to the miser?
Cheap, cheap.

Teacher: Do you know why there is a hyphen in a bird-cage?
Pupil: So the bird has somewhere to perch?

A bird in the hand makes it difficult to tie your shoelaces!

What bird is always out of breath?
A puffin.

Little birdie flying high Dropped a message from the sky. 'Oh,' said the farmer, wiping his eye. 'Isn't it a good thing cows don't fly!'

Which bird can lift the heaviest weight?
The crane.

What kinds of birds are found in captivity?

What do you give a sick bird?

A baby bird fell out of its nest and went bumping through the leaves and branches towards the ground.

'Are you all right?' called out another bird from its nest in the tree.

'So far,' said the baby bird.

What builds nests down pit shafts?
Miner birds.

Which birds are always unhappy?

What do birds eat when the bird table's empty?
Whatever they can find.
What if they can't find anything?
Then they eat something else.

I'd like a packet of bird seed, please.
How many birds have you got?
None, but I'd like to grow some.

My cat took the first prize in the local bird show.
How could your cat get a prize in a bird show!
He ate the prize canary.

Why do birds in the nest always agree?
Because they don't want to fall out.

What do you get when you cross a blackbird with a mad dog?
A raven maniac!

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